I wanted to believe

NOTE: this has bugger all to do with living in Vermont. I just fancied a rant.

Several weeks ago, as I'm scrolling through everyone's favourite data mining app Facebook, I see an advert for this:

It's a Bluetooth speaker in the form of a UFO that levitates over its base. Immediately, my interest was piqued, and when I say "my interest was piqued" I mean:

I've always been a bit iffy of Facebook ads, but as this marvel of modern technology could help fill the howling void in my life I decided to give it a whirl. Within three minutes I was $15.99 down and the proud owner of a magnetic levitating UFO Bluetooth speaker. At least I would be when it showed up. Not that I was entirely sure when — or if — it would show up.

Fast forward to today. I pop to the post office to pick up our mail (we don't get delivery to the house) and among the packages and letters is a sad-looking battered padded envelope that doesn't weigh much. I open it up to find this:

This is literally how it came out of the envelope. At this point I'm wondering what the hell it is, and when I take it out of the box I'm even more mystified:

Alicia: "Isn't that the UFO thing you bought?"

Me: "No, the UFO thing I bought is a magnetic levitating Bluetooth speaker that is a marvel of modern technology and will help fill the howling void in my life."

Alicia: "Are you sure?"

Me: "Er... yes?"

Alicia: "Where did you buy it?"

Me: "A Facebook ad... Oh dear God..." 

Instead of being a marvel of modern engineering, it's a crappy USB light that even the dollar store would be ashamed to sell. It's so awful that it barely remains upright and will slowly lean to the side after a few minutes. My blood boiled at such wanton treachery. I wanted to track the manufacturer down like some overweight Welsh John Wick and burn the factory in an orgy of fire and flame, and then wee on the ashes. 

In British terms, I was slightly miffed. 

So I started to search for the ad on Facebook but gave up as I cannot remember the name of the store. Searching the google for "levitating UFO" just brought up exactly what you think it would bring up: nutters.

But then serendipity struck. I switched from regular search to image search and found this:

It's the exact same thing as was in the Facebook ad, it costs between $150 and $190 depending on the seller, has actual reviews, and as bad as Amazon can be at least you can go to them if you get sent the wrong item, such as a piece of dogshit moulded into a crappy USB light. 

It's official, I've been done. Can I make a complaint? Christ knows, and I'm not getting into it with a bunch of scammers. But wait! I can check my bank statements, partly to find out which bunch of scamming bastards who I bought it from, and also to see if they actually left any money in my accounts.

And this is where it gets odd. We got to Vermont on September 15, so the only thing I know for definite is that I bought it after that date. But I cannot see any charge for this thing. Seriously, there is nothing on either my bank account or credit card statements that looks like it might be it, let alone something that says "this was a payment for a shitty piece of crap so terrible that even the sweatshop that made it is ashamed". 

So I have a free USB light. Yay?